Testimonials of the Collectively Abandoned

11 Jan, 2024

CW: Mention of illness, despair, death

Cover

To download the PDF versions of this zine please visit available in color for web & b&w for print.
To find all the images in better resolution please visit.

To me the pandemic isn't over until our medicine people say it's over. [Until] the immuno-compromised, the most vulnerable [say it is].

~ Klee Benally [Indigenous Action Podcast Ep. 18]

Intro:

The pandemic is over, or so those in power and the media claim. And most people believe them. Which is understandable, to a certain extent. People want to pretend the pandemic is over. They want to adapt to the "new normal" of continuous re-infection. They are lead to believe that they can do so without too much risk.

Can they keep pretending like this forever?

For many of us this charade is not an option. Many of us, who are chronically ill, disabled, immuno-compromised, or a mixture of these afflictions, do not have the luxury of taking such a risk. Many of us, who suffer from LongCOVID, still have to try our best to never get re-infected, painfully aware that reinfections often make our symptoms worse. And when more people around us relax their precautions, the task of avoiding a (re-)infection is getting ever harder.

Thankfully, some people remain cautious. Some of them because they want to protect themselves, their loved ones, their families. Others remain cautious because of their solidarity with those who are less privileged, as a political act, one that shows their care for the common good.

This zine aims to give a voice to the people, forced into continued 'COVIDing'. By describing day to day situations, concrete problems that might arise, we hope to show what living under these conditions can look and feel like. We hope that this illustrates our demand, as expressed in our previous zine, for a radical left that keeps taking this horrendous disease seriously and is willing to protect ourselves and our comrades.

This is a follow-up zine to our earlier one, An Open Letter to our Comrades or mirrored here.

In this context of social isolation and forced dependency on hostile systems, mutual aid—where we choose to help each other out, share things, and put time and resources into caring for the most vulnerable—is a radical act.

~ Dean Spade [Book: Mutual Aid]

You wonder why i still wear a mask?

Author: Radical Communal Care
Illustration: @fr3nzin3@chaos.social CC BY-NC

Cover
Intro
You wonder why i still wear a mask?
I'm not going to get better
Sick Event
Germ Pod Resistance - Excerpt
Raining on My Anarchist Parade 
Tunnel Love
Bathroom Sunrise
Też chcę ta ń czyć
Practice makes community
I believe i sound like a broken record
Are you sick? But we are fine.
The government doesn't care ofc
Caring About Care
Palestine, COVID, Cop City--Still Masking Up - Excerpt
Longue absence, COVID & COVID long
Opticians, Dentists, and Denialists
Repairperson boogieperson
What does not heal me makes me poorer
Unm(asking) time
Mask Thing
One Breath at a Time
Caramelle
Outro
Addendum

Find better versions of all the images by clicking on them

I'm not going to get better.

Author: @onepict@chaos.social
Source: https://dotart.blog/cobbles/im-not-going-to-get-better

The truth is we won't get better.

The distance is massive between myself and friends and family who are not as fatigued as I am. Other than my partner the only people who realize are my father and my brother. Even my father slips up sometimes.

It's language. It's our culture. Our society is based on our usefulness.

Although in his case, I know he's hoping I feel a little better for a while so I can get stuff done. Because being constantly fatigued is draining, it's depressing. Because he had his own Post Viral infection in the 1980s he hopes I recover. It wrecked his life. Which is the last thing he wants for me.

Other folks though. They don't get it.

They don't get why I need them to wear a mask. They don't get why every time they say or write an insincere get well soon message it's like metal scratching down a chalkboard on my psyche.

It comes off to me as passive aggressive. As if I change my ideas and buck up I'll magically feel better.

I'm not going to get better. If I'm lucky I will have more “good days” than “bad days.”

Sick Event

Text/design: riotmuffin@ni.hil.ist using modified illustration by N.O.Bonzo via justseeds.org | anti-copyright

Germ Pod Resistance - Excerpt 

Author: Anonymous NO-©

Pray for the dead, and fight like hell for the living.

~ Mother Jones

I was worried about what covid was going to do to society, but because of my extreme isolation, I wasn’t too personally worried about getting it. Sadly, that feeling, and my level of isolation, have remained more or less unchanged. I am privileged enough that I was able to get a job at a landscaping company, and since 2020 I have worked solely outdoors. I’m in a germ pod with 7 other people who freely hang out at each other’s houses without masks. None of us have gotten on a plane, eaten in a restaurant, had a drink at a bar, or spent time indoors around people outside of the germ pod without wearing an N95 or respirator. None of us have ever tested positive for covid. We consider our efforts to have been worthwhile.

If you call yourself an anarchist, it should be because you feel deeply within your heart the anguish of oppressed life everywhere. It should be because you feel equally deeply the inherent tendency of all life to rebel. It should be because all your life you’ve felt like a goat escaping from ignorant shepherds. [...]

I garden. I cook. I play video games. I practice martial arts. I sing to my cat. I play DND over voice chat with my friends. I recently talked with a friend of mine who had gone on a trip to Europe. I was like “that’s awesome but I’m way too scared of covid to get on a plane” and they said “Covid is scary but the feeling of being left behind felt scarier.” I thought to myself: who here is leaving whom behind? My mental health is now totally disconnected from what other people think of me, and absolutely non-reliant on something like going on vacation to Europe. I feel like I’m the one who has left mainstream society behind to circulate this virus amongst itself. Y’all do what you want, I’m going to be out planting tree saplings.

I’m sad to not meet my friend’s babies right now. But I will be able to talk to them when they are adults. When they ask me how people my age let covid get so bad, I’ll be able to look them in the eyes and say: "I never understood any of it, and I fought it as hard as I could, every step of the way."

Love and solidarity to everyone out there who is still resisting a world which is trying to kill us. The struggle against covid IS the struggle against colonialism, capitalism, white supremacy, and ableism. This is not a struggle we fight dramatically in the streets, but a long, protracted struggle alone at home. This is not a struggle that we can win without effort, diligence, mutual care, and powerful self-love — but I do believe it is one that we can win.

This is an excerpt from a longer piece, find the full text bellow

Raining on My Anarchist Parade

Author: @MediaActivist@todon.eu

I don't like tags, but as my politics evolved from "democratic socialism" into more "libertarian socialism" by 2020, I tried a call out for people in my area to help revive our IWW branch. Several initial meetings took place online with a view to formalising the branch, but I found it perturbing when there was some talk of following government advice on the pandemic. I thought, as anarchists, we might want to follow science over state politicians. Nonetheless, with the branch back up and running with a life of its own, I stayed involved online and as I learned about the Solidarity Federation, figured we could maybe replicate this local enthusiasm in starting a Local. A few people got in touch, expressing interest, and we talked about getting things up and running, and even had an online meeting where members of other Locals gave their input.

Promise was in the air again! Then a few of us talked about having our own meeting for our Local. I'd of course explained that, with the ongoing pandemic, and caring for my partner (who has Long Covid), I was very happy with online meetings. One person responded expressing that, aww gee, they really wanted to start an anarchist community and therefore that meant meeting in-person, which stunned me with its ignorance and ableism. This person and one other decided that, if I didn't mind, they'd just go ahead and arrange their meeting in-person, without me, in a pub. I'm not really the type to tell people what to do, so I thought, if that's what they wanted, let them do it. They cancelled due to stormy weather. I left the chat.

Tunnel Love 

Author: @HannahCelsius@sunny.garden CC BY-NC 
Website: https://www.radioklotestad.nl/

Walking along the ring road 
i get carried away
 in the hypnotic passing of all those car hearts
 on their way from A to B 
and the tarmac sings
 just for me 
endless noise.

I live on hold 
in the queue 
between the lines
 i lose myself 
on a daily basis.  

An endless pause,
  and i'm staring at my sandwich.

Through the revolving door 
i follow one way 
which never gives way 
but back inside 
and i receive myself 
in silence.

An endless silence, 
and i'm staring at my shoes.

I'm staring at Life Goes On.

I'm staring at Together, 
somewhere far away.

Bathroom Sunrise

Author: @HannahCelsius@sunny.garden CC BY-NC
 Website: https://www.radioklotestad.nl/

The sun rises in the bathroom
while the fragile state of life betrays me,
 me between dodging the brittle wall.

Does loneliness yawn the slow thump of an inescapability 
with the nervous precision of silence 
that likes to determine how gone you must be to be heard
   And no matter how i listen today, the birds are silent.

Też chcę ta ń czyć

Author: gomi ゴミ by XymMusic
Music/recording: CC BY-NC-ND, but you can use the text and the translation according to CC BY-NC-SA

I want to dance too 
I want to be able to be in a shared space
I want to synchronize my body's movements with the bodies of others, and derive pleasure from it 
I want to do it safely
 I do not want to risk my life or my health
 I want the natural validation that comes from mirroring other peoples movements and gestures
 I want to control my movements and the space around me and the impact my movements have on others
 I want others to mirror my movement 
I want to mirror other peoples movements
 I want others to have the same empathy towards me that I have towards them
 I want to be able to be in a shared space
 and I want this space to be safe for everyone, for me, for others, for all kinds of animals
 I want to communicate through movements, gestures, eyes, sounds 
but also with a lack of sound and movement

Practice makes community 

Author: Kate Nyhan

Making music, together…. Hanging on the conductor’s every twitch, or hoping like hell that the trumpeter’s cue will be accurate. Playing in rowdy pubs and serene churches (and sometimes, boisterous churches and calm pubs). Sharing joy, sharing comfort, sharing catharsis — above all, sharing.

But now, sharing air indoors is not safe, and so I make music in different ways. I practice at home, alone. I sing along to oratorios, alone. I turn my favorite arias into trombone vocalises, alone. When we make music together, we’re a community. But when we make music indoors without NPIs to reduce airborne disease transmission, we’re excluding people from our community, and we’re putting each other at risk.

So for now, I’m “just practicing.” I’m practicing the trombone and the piano and the penny whistle, and I’m practicing my values by advocating for inclusion and clean indoor air.

I believe i sound like a broken record

Author: @antiaall3s@chaos.social CC BY-NC

More broken records follow later

Are you sick? But we are fine.

Author: @fr3nzin3@chaos.social CC BY-NC

Or find a black&white version of this image here

Here's a conversation that seems to happen on a loop with my mother: I appear at her door wearing my mask. She asks: Are you sick? I say no. She says: But we are healthy?! At this point I have explained it so often that i have given up trying to explain it to her. Yes, the pandemic is still ongoing, yes, the virus is still airborne, and no, you cannot say for sure that you are healthy. You can get sick the next day and already be contagious today, you can be sick without symptoms and be contagious - and the same goes for me. I have given up telling her that by wearing a mask i am protecting her as well. She always takes it as a personal insult. The last time, when i said that i am tired of explaining it, she started to cry.

The communication about the pandemic has failed on all possible levels, from states to communities to medical facilities, and more. Over 80 year olds keep washing their hands, but remain ignorant about the impact of aerosols. We know why this is the case: we have to keep shopping/working/consuming to keep that capitalist death machine rolling.

The government doesn't care ofc

Author: @foxes@myfriendsare.gay

Being disabled, i have to choose every action carefully since covid arrived in my country. it was ok at first, my government seemed to care, we had some of the best responses to covid in the world, it was major news whenever double digits of infections were hit. that was until capitalism urged them to loosen restrictions.

now the news doesn't talk about it, the reported numbers are in the hundreds but there's no longer anyone reporting when they get sick, so it's likely thousands each day. every time i have to go out, I'm the only one wearing a mask. i don't feel safe.

my partner got long covid, they have luckily mostly recovered, but while they were in its grasps they cried for me, about the fact that it's what i deal with daily due to my disabilities.

I've yet to catch covid, i take precautions because i know if i do, there's not going to be a coming back. I'll likely be hospitalized, bedridden, or at worst, dead.

the government doesn't care ofc, they realized that they don't need to, the economy will keep turning no matter how many are sick, no matter how many deaths come from covid.

i just wish that my fellow people did. that they remembered that what they struggled with during lockdown is what I've been struggling with for years. and that covid is putting many people in my shoes, permanently. all I'm asking is you wear a mask, it protects you, your friends, your family, and your fellow people.

Bee

Caring About Care 

Author: @MediaActivist@todon.eu

I always talk about how much I owe my intersectional feminism to being pulled from an abusive school environment at the age of 11 by my mother, who taught me at home, battling the British authorities to do so. She moved out to Spain in 2021, with the pandemic still raging on, and with what I assumed to be an acceptance of that fact. Sure enough, in 2022, she celebrated her 80th birthday, and I sent her a card and gave her a call, and all seemed well. A few months later, the man I knew as my father died at age 87, and my siblings wondered if I would be flying out to attend his funeral in Spain, but seemed accepting of my decision not to. Instead, the day after he died, I agreed to write a eulogy for the funeral, which I put together by spending time listening to audio recordings I'd conducted with him a few years back, about his entire life. The eulogy was read out at the funeral and well received. My brother flew back to the UK, and my sister remained in Spain with my mother, as she had been living with my parents for some years.

This year, 2023, my mother's birthday rolled around again: 81! My sister suggested I fly out to attend, but I refused. She offered to pay for the travel, and I still refused. But I sent a card again. I tried to call again too, but there was no answer. I left a voicemail. I sent a text message. Still no answers. For days. Then weeks. Then months. Some people have decided the pandemic is over when they say it is. Or when a politician says it is. I like to say that we can choose capitalism or we can choose care; we cannot have both. My care is obviously something some don't care for.

Palestine, COVID, Cop City--Still Masking Up - Excerpt

Author: @riotmuffin@ni.hil.ist anti-copyright

I'm lucky that I work at a small shop where I've made myself fairly indispensable, and as a result I can insist on certain things. Like requiring masking. And like me staying home ten days.

All around, things are crumbling, falling, as if an invisible bomb has gone off. Another coworker is out with a close covid exposure (I can't require them to mask away from work, alas). My parents go to a trade show. Two days later, they've got covid for the first time, too. I can practically hear the raspy voices through social media as one person after another gets infected. They're saying it's up to 1 in 40 in the US now... that seems like a low estimate. Who's counting?

Not only are so many of us out sick, but it's the time of year when so many of us are in retreat even when healthy. When our mental health withers away like the leaves, especially here above 45 degrees north latitude. Our groups go quiet, projects put on hold, as we try to hold out til the end of the year, the promise of new energy after the solstice. Mutual aid groups take a pause, protests don't materialize like they did a few months ago, paint cans and poster stacks and their artists stay indoors. As for me, I've got all sorts of ideas of what to do on my 10 day rest... things to write, comrades to check in with by phone or video, art to prep, books to read.

Almost all of these things end up taking a back seat to sleeping, crying, sitting and staring.

Our enemies, the elites, the owning class, the politicians, the police, don't have the same problems. They get paid to do what they do in service of crushing our dreams and keeping us sick. Sometimes we ask, "how do they sleep at night?" Usually the answer is: comfortably, with full bellies, in large, warm houses with flannel sheets on their queen or king beds (and with better healthcare).

This is an excerpt from a longer piece, find the full text bellow

Longue absence, COVID & COVID long

[Excerpt from a longer blog post in French, our translation]
 Author: @mysterty@mastodon.social

August 2023: 3^rd COVID

At this point, I tried to get on with my life. I met a woman. I explained my situation to her. That I absolutely must not go through this shit again. That I'd just lost 6 months of my life and I didn't feel any better yet.

Fortunately, she was understanding and aware. She worked in healthcare and assured me that she always wore a mask as well.

This was not true. One evening, I found her at home and noticed that she was coughing. Coughing a lot. I asked her if she was all right. She told me it was nothing, just a "little covid".

No, she wasn't wearing the mask. No, she hadn't taken me seriously. She thought I was just having a psychosis and that COVID didn't really exist. She didn't want to worry me.

One story ended and a new COVID infection began.

Opticians, Dentists, and Denialists

Author: @Trekhausen@todon.eu

I recently read a discussion among people with ME/CFS regarding all the (some quite serious) health problems they aren't sorting due to: not having the energy, - relating to the impact of traveling, getting to and attending the appointments and having related treatment - the gas lighting, the minimizing, the cost. This is made so much worse when you consider the context of a global pandemic, and also the structural issues with trying to access health care, such as lack of appointments and long waiting lists.

As someone with Long-Covid who is mostly housebound, I relate. As someone who is Covid cautious and acts in accordance to there still being a global pandemic, I relate. My glasses are being held together by tape and glue and I need new lenses as my eyesight has deteriorated, I've got some issues with my teeth (I have tried to eat on one side for over a year now) but I really don't want to risk getting Covid again given my mask would have to come off at a dentist and health care providers have none-to-limited Covid precautions. Plus, so many people, also there for healthcare, in these spaces have sadly long forgone wearing masks. I haven't been able to have a Covid vaccine for 2 years, and was told I wasn't eligible for one when asking a doctor if having Long-Covid would mean I could 'qualify' for a Covid jab. I will wait until the pain becomes unbearable and hope that doesn't happen.

I know I need to sort these, and other health issues, but the thought of getting Covid by doing so makes me hesitant. Being one of the only people in a closed indoor space wearing a mask is a surreal, distressing experience I dread and try to limit, at detriment to my own health. I am also fed up of being gas lit or minimized at health appointments, having to relive everything because of a lack of coordinated health care, and also having awful PEM from going outside.

Acting like there is no pandemic, that this isn't a mass disabling event, makes this gas lighting and minimizing more likely. It intensifies existing societal barriers and inequalities. This reflects how embedded ableism and disablism is in the structures, institutions, practices and ideology of late capitalism. Wearing a mask and talking and acting according to science regarding the pandemic is intersectional anarchism. Anarchists shouldn't need mask mandates and states to tell them to do this. So many of us feel forgotten, ignored - including by our radical comrades - and scared. Please, wear a mask, speak out and do what you can to protect yourself and others. In the name of science, collectivism, care, and solidarity.

Repairperson boogieperson

Author: @antiaall3s@chaos.social

Every time something breaks in our apartment, our first concern is, can we fix this by ourselves. The thought of needing a repairperson to come here, it would feel like such an intrusion. Into this last bit of space, on a symbolical as well as on a realistic level, where we get to feel safe. Of course HEPA filters, airing the rooms, and other such measures could help after a breach by a repair person, but on the symbolic level it has never felt so crucial to have a safe space, in the most literal sense, a safe space of shared air. For the last three and a half years our home has been our refuge, our shelter, our sanctuary, like never before, the only place where we get to share air with each other without those damn masks.

This is what we aim for with my partner, who keeps masking everywhere else. For all this time no one has been inside these walls. Just the two of us, relegated to this life as a nuclear couple by the sheer ignorance of everyone else. Duct tape came to the rescue many times, to fix certain things, a temporary fix, and youtube videos taught us other repairs. We dread having to move from here, because then the damage will come to light. But for now, the main thing is to keep hoping nothing major breaks. And then, one Saturday, it’s always on a Saturday, a letter arrives from the agency, they need to get into our apartment. Sleepless nights ever since.

What does not heal me makes me poorer

Author: @antiaall3s@chaos.social CC BY-NC

Unm{asking} time

Author: A fellow survivor wanna-be

Why do I have to continue

justifying my choices —

of how and why I protect

myself, the ones I care for, the ones I meet

for the first and last time all at once?

When yo*u* never have to justify

that the only mask you ever wore seriously

was that of ignorance.

It works, no doubt, you are well-protected

from reality.

So I ask for this only,

do not ask me to justify

if you are so scared of catching

the truth.

Mask Thing

Author: @riotmuffin@ni.hil.ist anti-copyright

One Breath at a Time 

Author: @helianthropy@tech.lgbt
Website: https://ccssite.ccsgraphic.com/opinions.php?year=2023#2023-12-12

The constant vigilance about wearing a mask, worrying if it’s fitting correctly or too old, dirty, or damaged. The loss of spontaneity of eating out or with friends. Cuddling with strangers. The isolation remains while we watch others go out, have fun, and eventually catch COVID.

Do I want a gold star for not having (to my knowledge) caught this virus? No. I just want my sacrifice to have meaning. I want those who normally have immune limitations to have a bit less restriction on their lives. I want this virus not to have long-lasting effects on more lives.

I long for the day I hang out at a friend’s place without weight of asking them to mask for me. To duck into a shop without the dance of the N95 respirator bands over my head. To sing and share food with friends up close.

Until that time, I am appreciating the closeness I share with the ones I live with. Being in solidarity of the ones who continue to mask up. Fighting the fight for a just and accessible world for all—one breath at a time.

Caramelle

Author: @antiaall3s@chaos.social

The phone call came late, but it did come in the end. It was only a week before the birthday of my very old mother, who had been suffering from a debilitating illness ever since a "mysterious" infection early in 2023. Now she invited us to dinner at a restaurant in town. It was a formality on her part, she knew we had to decline. She knew exactly that we still socially isolate, and why, and not by choice, but because we have to. I think I have LongCOVID and I do not want to risk a reinfection, which in 78% of cases leads to a worsening of the symptoms.

Not even once has anyone in my family asked what kind of event would work for us, or how an event that includes us would look like. If they asked, we could have told them to maybe meet us outside somewhere, or to go for a walk together. These would be options. But they did not ask. They don't care. They invite us to appease their bad conscience. They puke their guilt right back at us, when they are done projecting it onto us. They know we can't attend indoor events. Abolishing the family has never had as much appeal.

So my mum, sister and her family went to eat without us, yet again. They went to our favorite restaurant in town, well, it's a shitty town, but nevertheless. They know about this restaurant thanks to us. The restaurant is in the location where we first kissed. We love that place. That night we made caramelle, one of the few vegetarian dishes we could have ordered there.

Outro:

On mastodon we asked for testimonials by people, who continue to live COVID-cautious, either because they are forced to for health reasons or choose to do so, while governments, media, communities, friends, family etc. promote a “new normal” of continuous reinfections with this insidious disease.

*Call for contributions from comrades* We are looking for contributions for a new zine trying to document what it feels like to still be #COVIDing, pushed into social isolation, while just about everyone else has normalised #COVID19. Whether out of caution or because of preexisting conditions, disabilities or #LongCOVID, we think it is important to communicate how the current situation affects many of us living under the neoliberal system of individualised responsibility.

This zine was made possible by your generous contributions and we want to thank everyone who sent us their testimonials from the bottom of our heart.

The fonts we used in the printed version of the zine are from BADASS LIBRE FONTS BY WOMXN.

This zine was conceived and put together by a radical communal care collective of chronically ill/disabled comrades and their carers. Please feel free to contact us if you are interested to join us.

A few links - for more please check our previous zine:
• Berlin Buyers Club
• Margareta Stokowski Warning: Meta-Link
• The Gauntlet
• Pandemic Round Up
• Death Panel Podcast Year Four Issue

Addendum:

Germ Pod Resistance  - Full Text

Author: Anonymous NO ©

I am an anarchist. I have always worn a black mask.

I started masking a long time before the government told me I had to. I have kept masking a long time after the government told me I didn’t have to. At this rate, I fully expect to keep masking long after the government makes it illegal. Mask wearing is rebellious behavior — that’s why pigs want to outlaw it, and reactionaries murder people for it.

This is very clear to me, but some people I care about have gotten this very twisted.

It is no measure of good health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

At some point, I realized that most of the old country and blues musicians I really like from the 20’s and 30’s all have Wikipedia articles that end basically the same: “Then, at the height of their career, they died of Tuberculosis at 35.” It makes me sad to think about what great songs they might have written if they hadn’t been exposed to a respiratory illness at work.

At some point, I realized that many Indigenous people weren’t driven off of their land by smallpox directly. They were coaxed off of their land by post-smallpox treaties wherein governments promised them vaccines, food, and medical care if they accepted resettlement into centralized colonial towns. The colonial governments of the USA and Canada would then intentionally delay shipment of these vaccines, or deliver far lower than the amount needed.

At some point, I realized this is part of why you tend to see more brown people in Latin America than Anglo America.

At some point, I realized that people in East Asia don’t wear masks during flu season because of SARS, they’re still wearing masks during flu season from the original 1918 flu. I read a recent poll where 93% of Japanese people said, unless something major changed, they were going to keep masking in public forever. When friends of mine get disgusted at “everyone” for being so irresponsible about covid, I remind them that this is not a universal human problem. Covid laxity is a feature of white supremacist society. Culturally enforced disease laxity is part of how the ruling class uses ableism to maintain class and racial hierarchies.

At some point, I realized that the ruling class was happy prison deaths have soared during covid. They don’t want the pandemic to end while they can still use it.

At some point, I was watching a video interview with several civic politicians in one of the largest cities in Nigeria. They were all wearing masks. They were all standing outdoors. The video was from March 2023. I did some reading and apparently people there are already used to wearing masks if there’s a new virus outbreak, covid is really no different to many people. Nigeria’s population of 218 million people — that’s about 2/3^rd of the USA’s population, in a territory about the size of Ontario — are some of the most densely populated people on Earth, with limited access to both medical care and vaccines. And according to the official statistics, only about 3,000 Nigerians have died of covid. This is because masking during multi-year viral outbreaks was already normalized, and air travel to Europe/North America is relatively uncommon.

At some point, I realized that the US government and most white North Americans stopped caring about covid when they figured out it was killing nonwhite people at a higher rate.

At some point, I realized that the reason we rarely talked about any of the history from the original 1918 pandemic is because people were ashamed of how they acted during it and wanted to forget. No one wanted to admit that they advocated unmasking too early and lots of people died as a result. No one wanted to completely change society to save the lives of children who were getting the flu at school so we just… started ignoring it, and started making fun of “germophobes.”

At some point, I realized that more soldiers die in every war from disease than combat, and the class war is no exception. We are under siege by the ruling class and covid is the newest weapon in their arsenal. In medieval days, invaders would use trebuchets to hurl dead, rotting bodies of cattle and humans into enemy castles, hoping to spread illness amongst the defenders. The West’s “Let it Rip” “You do You” individualistic approach is rooted in its cultural relationship to bioweaponry & its use as a tool of oppression. There is no real positivity to be drawn from this scenario, but my only hope is that the whip-crackers may have finally gone too far.

Either way, the old world was already dying. Instead of clinging to it, some of us have discovered the quiet dignity of the stronger, kinder world which has already been born.

We have always lived in slums and holes in the wall. We will know how to accommodate ourselves for a while. For you must not forget that we can also build. It is we who built these palaces and cities, here in Spain and America and everywhere. We, the workers. We can build others to take their place. And better ones. We are not in the least afraid of ruins. We are going to inherit the earth; there is not the slightest doubt about that. The bourgeoisie might blast and ruin its own world before it leaves the stage of history. We carry a new world here, in our hearts. That world is growing in this minute.

~ Buenaventura Durruti

When covid first started, my then-roommate said “Yep, it’s gonna be a weird couple of weeks.” I took a long drag on my cigarette and said “Dude, none of our lives are ever going to be the same again.” Then I quit smoking because I figured it wouldn’t be safe to keep having to go to corner stores. I thought this would last 3-5 years, or longer if people weren’t serious about masking. I seem to have been right. Before the mask mandates even hit, I was not only masking and social distancing — I had stockpiled food, planted a vegetable garden, and bought a used shotgun. During March, April, and most of May of 2020 I only left the house to go be in my own backyard.

Enlightenment for a wave is when it realizes that it is water.

~ Thích Nhất Hạnh

More than anything, I'm sick of walking past cafes and shops where all of the workers are wearing masks and none of the customers are. I will always be on the side of the masked workers. Aren’t you?

As a result of my isolation, privilege, lack of kids, social life, etc., I have only even been knowingly exposed to covid a handful of times (the last time in 2021) because I simply don’t go anywhere and I don’t do shit. Haven't had a flu, cold, RSV, "allergies" or anything like that either. In short, anecdotally, I haven’t been sick since I started masking whenever indoors around people outside my germ pod. I used to get pretty sick about 1-3x a year. Now I just… don’t. It’s nice. I think I’ll keep it up.

It’s possible (but unlikely) I have had an asymptomatic infection. I doubt it, because then I probably would have spread it to at least one of the other people in my germ pod. That’s why I’ve been contact tracing and regularly taking tests this whole time, as have the other folks in my germ pod. Again, none of us have ever tested positive for covid. Contact tracing and regular testing is how I feel comfortable saying that I have never had covid, but the danger of potentially being asymptomatic but infectious is part of why I am so serious about masking.

I garden. I cook. I play video games. I practice martial arts. I sing to my cat. I play DND over voice chat with my friends. I recently talked with a friend of mine who had gone on a trip to Europe. I was like “that’s awesome but I’m way too scared of covid to get on a plane” and they said “Covid is scary but the feeling of being left behind felt scarier.” I thought to myself: who here is leaving whom behind? My mental health is now totally disconnected from what other people think of me, and absolutely unreliant on something like going on vacation to Europe. I feel like I’m the one who has left mainstream society behind to circulate this virus amongst itself. Y’all do what you want, I’m going to be out planting tree saplings.

I spent most of my youth mentally preparing myself to be ready to die for the people. Now I face the ironic, awkward, and ultimately happy reality of having to radically survive for the people. Though I didn’t choose it, there is a chaotic joy in struggling to survive a world-shattering crisis with my closest friends and loved ones.

Please consider reading “Revolutionary Suicide” by Huey Newton. I found his thoughts on how to survive solitary confinement to be transcendentally rewarding during this strange time in history.

Take care of yourselves & each other. Preserve your mental and physical health as much as you can. One day, we may yet speak of justice, and revenge for the fallen. Please continue fighting the system. There are other rebels out there.

I am an anarchist. Anarchists have always worn black masks.

LONG LIVE ANARCHY // ANTI EUGENICS ACTION

RIP David Graeber (1961-2020) and countless millions of others. They were all irreplaceable individuals with hopes, dreams, and plans for the future. They all deserved better.

Pray for the dead, and fight like hell for the living.

~ Mother Jones

Palestine, COVID, Cop City - Still Masking Up - Full Text

Author: @riotmuffin@ni.hil.ist anti-copyright

It's the end of October, 2023. Israel's genocide on Gaza is in full swing. Calling it a "war" already feels inadequate, since that implies some resemblance of a parity of forces. With bombs already raining down on schools and refugee camps, now Israel's ground invasion has begun.

We go to a protest, because it feels like the absolute least we can do, even though we're probably just going to march in a circle led by the different Acronym Orgs - you know, Coalition Against This, Committee For A Marxist Whatever. We're in Minneapolis, where we burned the 3^rd precinct and sparked a worldwide uprising after MPD murdered George Floyd in 2020. (Of course, we only burned the precinct because the brave among us ignored the Acronym Orgs calling for peace.) Folks in Palestine sent their solidarity; we applied lessons from their struggle to ours.

We arrive at the meet-up point all masked up, because that's what we do. We're losing folks weekly to COVID still: folks who we haven't seen in months because of their long covid induced suffering, or who have to spend another week at home because of an exposure. But more to the point today, we're at a protest, and masking up is what we do. We know how many surveillance cameras are in this city, how many cops are likely in the crowd, how many folks will be posting pics of this protest to Instacrap and Fedbook. We know how many of us are on the police radar because we deliver survival gear to the homeless, or because we post about Stop Cop City, or because we had our photo taken at some other event. So we mask up. But the vast majority in this crowd have chosen not to.

One of us has a backpack full of N95s, the ones from 3M (as the mega-polluter is a local company, we've probably had our photos taken while protesting them at some point, too). They were on sale for extra cheap in bulk on some construction safety website. She's got a sign pinned to her backpack: "Need a mask? I've got lots, just ask!" When people ask, she gives them a zine too. A few people take her up on it, but she still has lots of masks in her backpack at the end of the day.

One of the things I'll always remember about the George Floyd Uprising was the very first march, from the site of the murder to the precinct, May 26, 2020. It was fairly spontaneous: people just went to the scene of the crime and eventually said, let's go to the precinct. No banner in the lead, no megaphones telling people what to do. I found it on my way home from work. The people kept coming, and coming, and coming, in waves, loosely, first 100, then 25, then 200, then another 50, then more, then a few, then a lot more. It was the first time many people had been out in a group since the pandemic began, and people were still cautious - almost all masked up, and spaced far apart for social distancing. We learned something that day: you can cause a lot of chaos and shut down a lot more traffic when you're spaced far apart in a march comprised of crashing waves. Of course, then you've got to tighten up when the police appear so that they don't split you apart - folks learned that when they got to the precinct, but until then, the cops kept their distance, if they were even ready at all.

Today at the Palestine march, the cops are keeping their distance, too - there's none in sight. But the Acronym Orgs are tightening everyone up. They've got yellow-vested peace police straddling the yellow line in the road, making sure people don't take up the oncoming lane - even though there's at least a couple thousand of us, only Sunday afternoon traffic, and it'd be totally fine to do. Hell, usually marshals are telling people not to step off the sidewalk, but today, they're telling us not to go ON the sidewalk, and instead to stay in the tightly crammed two lanes to which we've confined ourselves. We're jammed up against each other like at a rock concert. My friends and I disobey, and walk on the outside of the march where we're not breathing in everyone's unmasked shouts of Free, Free Palestine! at point blank range.

Now it's the end of November, 2023. I'm excited for a big week ahead. Today, I'm going to be tabling at a local pre-Chanukkah market put on by a collective of anti-zionist Jewish artists and activists. They do these events twice a year, and I always look forward to it. This year, of course, it has a different tone. A chunk of the proceeds are being given to Palestinian relief efforts, and everyone's on edge because the organizers have been doxxed online by pro-genocide apologists who think anti-zionism means anti-semitism, and "never again" means "except now.

I often like to tell people who are looking to get involved in liberatory struggles, find your local anti-zionist Jews. I've found, at least here, that folks who embrace their cultural and spiritual legacy of oppression, yet choose to turn it into action towards liberation for all, are the kind of people I want to work with. And, accordingly, the organizers of this event have a strict mask requirement, gently but firmly offering them to anyone who comes in without one. I wouldn't be planning to table here if they didn't do this. I always mask up in public, and for good measure I've been avoiding going out this past week.

Most of the items I'm bringing are at a shared studio 15 minutes away, so I load up the car, do a last check - oh, I better bring a water bottle - and head out. I'm halfway out the door when I remember: test. I've been trying to strictly follow the regimen of doing two rapid tests, 48 hours apart, knowing that they're not terribly reliable, and are prone to false negatives. This is gonna be a crowded event, so lets do it. I grab one from my stash in the closet, swab cheek, swab cheek, swab nostril, swab nostril, insert, turn, seal pouch. I carry it outside and set it on the dash of my car to check when I get to the studio.

And when I pull up outside the studio to park, I take a look and.... that's different. There's a 2^nd line, faded, and a little streaky, but it's definitely a 2^nd line. Isn't that a positive? No, maybe that's wrong. I haven't BEEN anywhere. I pull up the instructions on my phone to double check. It's only ever been one line before. Yep, this is a positive... but the test also says you're not supposed to move it during those 15 minutes. Is that why it's kinda streaky? Could I have fucked it up? Shit, what do I do now?

I opt to load the goods into my car, and go back home to test again. It'll make my setup time a lil crunched at the event, but that's OK. I usually play the radio in the car, but now I drive in silence, thinking about the different scenarios. After all, not only am I looking forward to this event, I've also got big plans the next couple days and then, most importantly, at the end of the week I'm driving south to visit my lover. We haven't seen each other since the end of summer.

I think about that 2nd line. I know these tests are prone to false negatives, but not false positives. But this can't be, right? What if one test is positive and one negative.... then I still probably shouldn't go, right? I'm starting to realize I might be in denial here. Well, I have lots of tests. I'll do two more, and then if this one was a mistake, the score will be 2-1.

I bound up the steps to my place. My roommate and her friend visiting from out of town are on their way out. I'm a little surprised by how shaky my voice is: "Uh, guys? I think I might've just taken a positive covid test. .... I'm going to test again - maybe you should too?"

I go back to the stash in the closet, dutifully refilled from the state program every month (with the occasional shoplifted box to supplement). One each for them, and two more for me. I go in my room, shut the door. Cheek cheek, nostril nostril, insert, turn, seal. One more: cheek cheek, nostril nostril, insert, turn, seal. Set 15 minute timer. Oh geez, now I have to just wait. A sinking feeling washes over me. On my phone I bring up cute bird photos for a distraction. At 12 minutes, I peek. Both tests have two lines. It's unmistakable. I'm 0-for-3. I now have COVID for the first time.

Tears welling up, I walk out to the living room, where my roommate and her friend are staring at two more tests each with two lines. We sit and stare at each other for a minute, and then I go outside to scream, stomp, and repeatedly smash my hockey stick against the concrete driveway, until it's shredded to splinters.

Now it's early December, 2023. I followed the guidance from the People's CDC to isolate for 10 days. If that seems like too much to some of my coworkers and friends, then so be it, we've already lost so much, and I don't want anyone else to lose out on anything because I couldn't handle 10 fricking days of rest.

I'm lucky that I work at a small shop where I've made myself fairly indispensable, and as a result I can insist on certain things. Like requiring masking. And like me staying home ten days.

Almost all of these things end up taking a back seat to sleeping, crying, sitting and staring.

A particular nexus of struggle against some particular far-too-comfortable-for-far-too-long enemies this year, has been the fight to Stop Cop City, the proposed police training ground in the Welaunee Forest outside Atlanta. Last January, they murdered Tortuguita. Later, after hundreds of masked fighters struck back by burning down their construction site, the state hit dozens from the nearby music festival with "domestic terrorism" charges. Then the bail fund organizers got the same treatment.

We still say "Cop City Will Never Be Built" -- and/or, "If They Build It, We Will Burn It." But it feels like the movement is largely struggling to swim amidst the dual rip current of repression and recuperation. Folks ask themselves, "I was masked up at that march last year, right?" and "I wonder if my face is in their database yet." As fewer and fewer people mask for covid, fewer people mask for nighttime mischief as well, and while concrete trucks continue to sporadically burn, more people remove their masks for the sake of door-to-door canvassing on a ballot campaign.

Back home, my phone buzzes with news from Atlanta, so of course I swipe the message open, eager for something hopeful, something helpful, perhaps something fiery.

The news: now the city council wants to ban masks.

"...an ordinance to prohibit the wearing of ski masks or any other items that conceal the identity of the wearer. ... The proposed city ordinance notes the rise of “casually wearing ski masks, bandanas or other devices” that conceal identities since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, claiming this trend coincides with an increase in the number of people “wanted by the Atlanta Police Department who wore ski masks in the commission of a crime.” ...

Well that's some timing, isn't it. The article continues:

“I think this has little to do with robberies and everything to do with surveillance at protests,” wrote Tiffany Roberts, executive director for the Southern Center for Human Rights. “Remember, we are the US’ most surveilled city.” ... “The public record is rife with examples of pro-Palestine activists being doxxed and losing their jobs when their identities are disclosed".

Atlanta is where the U.S. Centers for Disease Control (sic) is headquartered. Has the Atlanta Police Foundation considered partnering with them on anti-masking propaganda, I wonder.

Next, I look up recent news items about mask bans and attempted mask bans in various other contexts Interestingly, I see Philly just passed an ordinance banning ski masks, but it has an exception for protests. (It doesn't seem to have an exception for winter weather, or at least one isn't mentioned in this news item. Maybe they're banking on climate change.)

Thankfully, there is opposition nonetheless. Who gets to define what a protest is? In Lebanon this year, folks sticking up banks to demand their savings was seen by many as a form of protest. And we know who defines what crime is: the same people who have told us COVID is over and who stick-up our homeless neighbors, stealing their tents in order to keep the sidewalks free for yuppie shoppers. People in cities with mask bans should defy them at every reasonable opportunity.

My own covid symptoms have gone away by now, except for one: the lethargy. After my first day back at work, I slept all the next. Knowing that it rarely hurts to throw out an idea, hoping for a spark, I drop a seed in a group chat.

What if we could manifest a fusion between folks with all different kinds of reasons to oppose mask bans? Every city has a covid cautious crew, folks working against surveillance, for abolition, against cop city, for the forest. Not to mention your regular everyday boosters (the shoplifters and the vaccinators both).

"Mask up" in an announcement of a protest demonstration might mean that disability justice folks are organizing it. But it might also mean something spicy is likely to happen. You know, you bring your mask and you also bring your monkeywrenches, your spray paint, your party favors. Well, What if every party could have tricks, and everyone could attend? What if the mask was the reason for the demo, the whole point?

My imagination's fully activated now. One city announces their demonstration, then another city, then another: "Meet at City Center, 6pm, Wear a Mask"! "Meet at Grand Station, 6pm, Wear a Mask!" "Meet at the Forest, 6pm, Wear a Mask!" Big mask-shaped signs and colorful papier-mache puppets are adorned with the reasons to mask up and the struggles we mask up for: "Stop surveilling us!" "Stop Cop City!" "Fight for privacy!" "Free Palestine!" "Covid is still here!" "Health justice now!" "Fuck facial recognition!" "Ban cops not masks!"

People on either side of the march hand out n95s and zines to passersby. Someone's there handing out sheisty masks too, for variety's sake. At some of the marches, perhaps, corporate and government perpetrators of business as usual get handouts of their own, as mask boxes filled with bricks sail through their windows. Other marches stay polite and orderly, while across town, allied ne'er-do-wells blockade shipments of weapons bound for Israel, smash up the parking lot at the police academy, and pour red paint at the city Public Health (sic) Department.

I tap send to drop my idea (in less explicit detail) in the group chat. Eventually I get one reply in my dms, but neither of us has the oomph to move it along. Sometimes two people is all it takes to bring a grand idea to fruition.... but this was not one of those times.

You can wear an N95 and still get covid. You can go to the most polite of protests, and still get domestic terror charges. You can do everything you can, and still lose.

But we don't give up, we mask up. For a free, free Palestine. For a police-free future. And for our lives.

Fin.
And thanks for reading and sharing this.
We love you.
Stay safe.
You are not alone.
We could go on.
Shall we?
We could use your help.
Feel free to get in touch.

A Letter To Our Anarchist, Socialist and Radical Leftist Comrades

Testimonials of the Collectively Abandoned

Cover

Intro:

You wonder why i still wear a mask?

Table Of Contents

I'm not going to get better.

Sick Event

Germ Pod Resistance - Excerpt

Raining on My Anarchist Parade

Tunnel Love

Bathroom Sunrise

Też chcę ta ń czyć

Practice makes community

I believe i sound like a broken record

Are you sick? But we are fine.

The government doesn't care ofc

Caring About Care

Palestine, COVID, Cop City--Still Masking Up - Excerpt

Longue absence, COVID & COVID long

Opticians, Dentists, and Denialists

Repairperson boogieperson

What does not heal me makes me poorer

Unm{asking} time

Mask Thing

One Breath at a Time

Caramelle

Outro:

Addendum:

Germ Pod Resistance  - Full Text

Palestine, COVID, Cop City - Still Masking Up - Full Text

Testimonials of the Collectively Abandoned

Cover

Intro:

You wonder why i still wear a mask?

Table Of Contents

I'm not going to get better.

Sick Event

Germ Pod Resistance - Excerpt

Raining on My Anarchist Parade

Tunnel Love

Bathroom Sunrise

Też chcę ta ń czyć

Practice makes community

I believe i sound like a broken record

Are you sick? But we are fine.

The government doesn't care ofc

Caring About Care

Palestine, COVID, Cop City--Still Masking Up - Excerpt

Longue absence, COVID & COVID long

Opticians, Dentists, and Denialists

Repairperson boogieperson

What does not heal me makes me poorer

Unm{asking} time

Mask Thing

One Breath at a Time

Caramelle

Outro:

Addendum:

Germ Pod Resistance - Full Text

Palestine, COVID, Cop City - Still Masking Up - Full Text

Germ Pod Resistance - Excerpt 

Tunnel Love 

Practice makes community 

Caring About Care 

One Breath at a Time 

Germ Pod Resistance  - Full Text